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I think Cornflakes will be Breakfast

Trying to reverse my destructive relationship with food is an emotional, raw battle. My day begins with a plausible weigh-in.

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I decide in the morning, based on how I feel, if I have a small breakfast or start the day with a protein shake. I always have tea, or two, or three cups. This morning, I do not know what I will do.

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I feel pissed that I once again slipped into my past emotional pattern of overeating to calm or console myself. I got up in the middle of the night and ate the last two pieces of cake that Trevor made me for my birthday. I justified this because of an unfavourable phone conversation. It is tough to hear how one feels about you—Enough of that.

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I hate this slow weight loss. My metabolism is terrible due to my age, no exercising, thyroid disease, and the starving ways of my past.

What I can admit is that I am proud that despite setbacks, I have not given up. This development is the first ‘real’ lifestyle change I have had. I quickly lost before, and the weight would stay off for some time until those hard emotions got the better of me. I would binge with alcohol or food, and food was more acceptable after children.

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For the first time- I binge nothing. However – I think about sex binging. Oh dear – transferring from one addiction to another. It is all about trying to ‘feel’ better in my emotional, anxiety-ridden, dark, and low self-esteem world.

Acknowledgement is the first step. Right? Now…I think cornflakes will be breakfast along with an episode of House MD.

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