This week allowed me a few days to mourn, reflect, and sit in my thoughts. I did not get dressed; I was not productive; my dishes did not get done, our house had ‘fend for yourself’ meals, and I spent most of my time in bed. I streamed tv shows and movies and ate shitty things.
- Think and reflect
- Watch Netflix, Crave, Amazon Prime and Disney Plus
- Eat what I want, when I want
I gave myself a few days to do what I wanted and needed to do. I thought about my recovery, I reflected on illness and that ‘feeling,’ and I explored my emotions. I had feelings of anger, sadness, and disbelieve.
- Nova Scotia Massacre
- Relationship Struggles
- Personal Frustrations
Today, I forgave myself because I understand that permitting myself to sit in my head temporarily helps with my recovery. I remember where I was, I recognize where I am now, and I know where I want to be. I acknowledge and accept my shortcomings.
- Past emotions and illness
- Current emotions, thoughts, and symptoms
- Future mental state and wellness
Today, I showered, got dressed and started completing chores. I finished those dishes, I started that laundry, and I began my online work. I played with the dogs, I helped my son with online schooling, and I smiled. I smiled genuinely. I am thankful and grateful.
Every day I will take one step at a time, care for myself, and forgive myself.
I am me, and I am not perfect.