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I am struggling with faith. Not faith in a higher being. I am and continue to struggle with faith in me.

According to, faith is the confidence or trust in a person or thing. The faith in another’s ability. Not only do I struggle with number #1 , I also struggle with #4 on the list. The belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc. To be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.

I have changed 360 degrees. My entire life until the last XXX amount of years I was guided by my faith in God and ‘what was the right thing’. What should you do as a Christian?

What the hell..this is my blog and life is short!

What a waste of time that thinking was. Stinking – thinking. I was literally brainwashed and continued to ‘God-Wash’ myself for years! I was miserable trying to live up to the standards of Christianity. I placed those standards also on my oldest child by speaking about the Bible, fearing her into ‘behaving’, and expecting perfectionism as I did from myself.


It is crazy to think that the world we exist in, or the small town I reside in, will have many readers appalled by this admittance of my truth. This personal revelation is not to offend, annoy, or open a discussion to ‘save’ me.

I think of it as a ‘food for thought’ moment. Why does it appear that on social media, publicly, in poems, memes, etc., it is perfectly acceptable to share comments, phrases, or ‘hints’ that a belief in a god should be publicly shared? I feel it is perfectly fine to share what one has faith in.

The issue I struggle with is that one’s opposite belief of the norm is usually questioned or judged. Well, in my small town anyway.

I mean if I created a post or meme that stated: “When you die; there is nothingness”. Some would be horrified by that statement. Many years ago I would have felt this overwhelming urge to pray or talk to the person – to save them. So I do understand.

BuzzFeed posted an article, written by David Bertozzi, titled- 16 Reflections From People Facing Death.

Los Angeles photographer Andrew George recently embarked on a project, titled Right Before I Die, to answer a complicated question on perspective. He explains, "I often question, as I recall personal events that once seemed important but that have faded from my memory, my ability to have perspective. Sometimes, I take this to the extreme, and wonder what I will value in my final moments." George met with a number of people experiencing their end of days to gain insight to this profound thought. Here is what they had to say...
Photo by Mike on

 I am a content, whole, peaceful man right now…Not scared, not afraid, just excited, all bubbly inside, like I’m going to get married. I’m reaping what I’ve sowed all those years; I’ve sowed love.


When you’re in pain, very, very bad pain, and you can’t stand it, sometimes you say ‘I wish, I wish I could die’ but then all of a sudden, something enters my brain…why should I wish that? If He wanted me to go, He would have taken me long ago.


Happiness is when you’re with someone who’s a friend who you enjoy and can be true to—that’s happiness to me.


What a true example that love, kindness, and a moral ethically code is not determined by religion but by the goodness in all of us.

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