Depression is low energy and the ‘not wanting’.
It is the ‘not wanting’ to take your kid to the Christmas Parade, the ‘not wanting’ to go to the dog park, the ‘not wanting’ to make the food, to shower, to change the clothes, and the wanting to sleep alone all day.
Depression is a state of guilt for ‘not wanting’. The ‘I am the worst mother’ roller-coaster mind chant. Depression is the attempt to solve a problem by wanting to get take-out – but overwhelmingly heavy with darkness, sadness, uncontrollably crying, that results in ‘the cannot’ get up, ‘cannot’ get dressed, and absolutely ‘cannot’ see or talk to anyone. The ‘not wanting’ days of Depression can quickly result in a black hole of never-wanting.
My son holds my hand. He hugs me and tells me – it is fine Mom – and makes a sandwich. He blocks the ‘never-wanting’ thoughts. The thoughts that want a permanent end.
He is my Life-Saver.